Can a Couple with Different Care Needs Live Together in Independent or Assisted Living?

Many couples rely on each other for companionship and support, especially as they age. Even if a couple knows each other so well that they finish each other’s sentences, they probably won’t experience aging in the same way. Differences in age, genetics, or medical history might lead one person to need more medical attention than the other. Life can get a little complicated sometimes, and one size (and story) does not fit all.

Disparities in care needs can create tensions between couples when they differ in how to address their own health concerns or manage their partner’s. One person’s ideal living situation might not align perfectly with the other’s. For instance, one spouse may want to move to a senior community to make life a little easier, while the other may prefer to live at home for as long as possible.  

It’s important to plan for the eventuality of differing health needs in the future. The earlier that couples start planning and thinking about these concerns, the better. Medical emergencies have a way of clarifying your needs, but in a manner that forces you to make a change. Since that change can be very time-sensitive, you may face limited options rather than a range of choices.

Choosing assisted or independent living as a couple

Often, a couple lives at home, with one partner beginning to need assistance with activities of daily living like dressing and bathing, while the other spouse remains independent. In some cases, one person begins to experience cognitive decline and may need memory support. This puts stress and pressure on both people: the caregiver, who needs to provide 24/7 support, and the other person, who may not be living in a situation where all their physical and social needs can be met.

Couples who find themselves in this situation often end up seeking a solution where they can both get the care and support they need while continuing to live together. In addition to spouses and partners, adult children who struggle with caring for their aging parents aim to find options that keep them together if possible as well.

Senior living options for couples

Many senior living communities, such as Hebrew SeniorLife’s NewBridge on the Charles in Dedham, MA, and Orchard Cove in Canton, MA, can support couples with differing care needs — allowing them to still live together. 

Moving to a senior living community with multiple levels of care, including independent living, assisted living, and memory care assisted living or enhanced living, allows both people to get the care they need while still living together or in the same community. At Hebrew SeniorLife, we listen to your individual needs and are able to accommodate changes in care in the future, an important advantage of living in a continuing care retirement community.

Prioritizing senior care for spouses

Here are some questions to ask if your loved one needs more care:

• What levels of living and daily support are provided, and are they provided in one easy-to-navigate community, or spread among many buildings? 
• If my partner lives in a different level of care, can they still access programs and dining options with me in other levels of living?
• What are the options for having private care in an independent living apartment, and what are the pros and cons of taking that approach vs. accessing different levels of living and care?
• How will I be supported as a caregiver? Are there caregiver support groups? Do you have a social worker and other resources?
• Who on the care team will help guide us in understanding all the care options?
• How will I know my voice and goals will lead the conversation, rather than feeling "forced" to make a certain decision?

How do senior living communities coordinate services? 

It’s important to understand how a particular community coordinates its care and services, and how they align with what matters most to you. Before you decide which option is best for you, check in with all members of the care team to ensure they work seamlessly together to deliver services.

For example, at Orchard Cove, a dedicated health and well-being navigator meets regularly with residents to ask meaningful questions and learn what matters most to them. For couples where one person needs more support, this process helps guide care decisions as needs change over time.

Choosing Hebrew SeniorLife, despite different care needs  

At Hebrew SeniorLife, we offer senior living options to meet a variety of care needs. This allows for flexibility in finding the right care for each person. Here is just one example of a couple who moved into a Hebrew SeniorLife community and were cared for at different levels:

Mitch and Joan moved into assisted living. A few years later, Joan was diagnosed with cognitive decline and had to move to memory care assisted living on the same campus to receive additional support and care. Mitch decided to move to independent living and enjoys the community’s benefits, such as socialization, daily activities, and dining options. Mitch and Joan can still visit whenever they want, while Joan receives the care she needs.

Exploring senior living for you and your partner? 

It’s always a good idea to begin planning your future now. Life is dynamic, and it is important to keep the conversation going to ask the questions about what matters most so you can identify the resources that best meet your preferences and values. 

In the face of uncertainty, choosing a senior living community with multiple levels of care can help ensure both people receive the support they need — now and in the future. If you’re interested in learning more, explore our services or communities online or call 617-363-8000.